Agony of defeat

Wicked week, but better than the last.
Lois had painful bouts, but kepts tears to minimum. Thomas is tripping over ideas and his own feet. Marcus appears calmer, better, but is "little boy" the atom bomb -- prone to fits of anxiety ... pouncing on tidbits of frustration. Soundbites and news -- little discussed.

Of disgust, Lois' liking of pain. She's worried about her rehab, considering her back pain. In either a moment of panic or clarity, she called a pain management doctor, with whom she's worked before, to handle the pain. She hopes that perhaps upping the Oxy will put moxy in her step. She hopes at least less grit in her teeth.

Upswells of hope and love are offered as a friend, now adrift in feelings of helplessness, dropped by today. She wondered, hintingly, if I would wake Lois to chat with her. I didn't, as Lois was in pain and my main concern is and was that she get to hospital on Thursday without knocking herself out with pain. Friend, Betty is in hospital (previous post) and will be in rehab at the same time as Lois. Perhaps they will meet each other in their efforts there.

Father's golf, as cathartic as it might be is no substitute to mother's well-being. He is as capable of thinking as a clam ... open sometimes, but mainly filtering. Marcus is a bit more capable, but stressed. Lois' health is primarily his worry. Onto that, money and job and a few other things that are left undiscussed.

I'm glad I don't smoke as now, I would be a Pennsylvania steel mill belching out smog and soot as surely as I exist. Mother rests poorly, father poorly ... thankfully, a spit of good news

Father's bone scan, though more intensive than planned, turned up nothing, according to father. Still, his shoulder is a mild wreck, he prefers not to drive and his knee was the focus of the bone scan. In my heart, my mind ... doubt. Cynical and skeptical to the last ... Marcus drags doubt, concern and sorrow, in every step.

Mother's confession of procrastination was a welcome laugh. She delcared today that it was great that she'd be in rehab center where they don't take excuses, no passes, no, "no"'s. She'll have to do the work; pain and all. And in that, I am glad that pain ahead she's mandated herself to assistance.